For now, I'll leave you with our story:
As most of you know, my water broke around 3am on March 27th, just after my usual trip to the loo. In retrospect, I wish I had not connected the actual date as quickly as I did, as I suspect it may have had something to do with my stubborn cervix and the very long labour that ensued. The 27th was both mine and Marshall's fathers' birthdays, and for many emotionally laden reasons it was the one day in my pregnancy I had NOT wanted our child to be born on. I think that psychologically, connecting the date as soon as I did, I closed myself off to labour. They had warned us in prenatal class that women who are not completely relaxed and at ease do not dilate, which was definitely my case.
I started having contractions about 30 minutes after my water broke - not regular and not overly painful, I guess what you would call typical early labour contractions. My midwife had suggested I go to bed and sleep, but between the excitement and discomfort, that was not possible. I told Marshall to go to sleep, as he had only just come to bed when my water broke. I got up and putzed around the house for several hours. Around 8am, Marshall's family started waking up and seeing the text message I had sent about my water breaking, started to contact me. I mentioned Marshall was in bed asleep, which was, at that point, quite benign to me. In retrospect though I think there may have been some accidental misunderstanding about that point. I hadn't thought much of it, but did get some responses that suggested others thought that wasn't such a great thing for him to be doing, which I guess, in the throws of hormons of labour, triggered a similar emotion in me. The result was my body slowing down and eventually stopping contractions. Between 8-9am I went from irregular 30 second contractions about 3-4 minutes apart to none at all. At 9am I called my midwife, who suggested I try and get some sleep, which I did until about 1130am. At that point I got up and took a hot shower in the hopes of stimulating some contractions - nothing. I was getting ready to go for a walk, when my midwife decided to come by and check my progress. She got to us around 130-2pm, and I was not dilated in the least.
It was at that point that she started to bring up the idea that we would have to put a time limit on how long we would wait before a transfer to hospital for induction. I was determined that this not happen - my entire adult life I have wanted a non-hospital midwife assisted birth. She suggested a long walk, started giving me homoeopathic herbs, and sent me for some acupuncture. By 4pm I was back to having contractions like I had been in the wee hours of the morning, although I found them very painful. I felt them deep in my cervix, almost like a tearing feeling. By 8pm we went to the birth centre to meet my midwife, despite the fact that I had not reached the 5 minutes apart 1 minute contractions yet. They were actually closer to 3-4 minutes apart, but still lasting only about 45 seconds. My midwife checked me again, and I had progressed to only 1cm. I lay down on the bed with Marshall to try and get through the contractions, which were a very sharp pain. Again, the contractions stopped.
By 915 my midwife pretty much said it was time to give up - she had no reason to think that I would reach active labour by 3am, (24 hours is her legal time limit for transfer after ruptured membranes). I went and took a bath and had my moment of "grief" over the labour/delivery was not going to have, and by 1130pm we were at the Jewish General Hospital.
By midnight they started me on cervadil, a gel they insert into the vagina to soften the cervix. By 1 am I was having very strong, painful contractions about 2-3 minutes part. The pain was like nothing I have ever experienced, as if something was ripping me apart from the inside. I wanted to avoid narcotics as much as possible, as it was too early for an epidural. I walked, I rocked back and forth, I used the birthing ball, all of which helped at first, but by 5am I had been in agony for 4 hours, and dealing with labour for 26 hours. Marshall was an amazing support, helping me breath and focus through every contraction, and generally being the steady rock and voice of reason I needed. I just didn't have the physical or mental energy to cope anymore, so I agreed that they give me some morphine. While that took the edge off the contractions and allowed me to sleep in between, it had the undesired effect of slowing contractions to every 7-10 minutes. By 8am it had worn off, and I was back to being in severe pain, and contractions coming more frequently. The doctors kept telling me I had to wait until noon for them to give me the epidural/pitocin, as cervidil is usually a 12 hours course. By 930am I insisted they check my progress immediately to see if we could start it sooner. My doctor agreed, and discovered I was just barely at the threshold of 2.5 cm (this 30.5 hours after my water broke).
The epidural and pitocin were started at 11:45am on Monday March 28th. By 1pm I had progressed to 4cm. I was able to sleep once they had put in the epidural, and generally just relax through contractions - I could still feel the pressure, just not pain. The epidural was on self dosage, so I was careful to not give myself very much. I just wanted enough to be able to rest and take the edge off. Between 1pm and 3pm I went from 4cm to 9cm. My doctor said we would have a baby by 7 or 8 pm, he also suggested that if I wanted to feel the pushing contractions adequately, that I reduce administering the epidural to a minimum. I didn't tell him that was what I had been doing, and decided to stop giving myself any doses at all. By 345pm, I started feeling the need to push. By then my midwife was back and able to talk me through these contractions and help me focus - I was feeling natural labour at this point as it had been almost 2 hours since I had last given myself any medication from the epidural. By 5pm my doctor came to check me again, and said I could start "at will" passive pushing with my midwife, so I did. When I felt the need, I pushed, when I didn't I just relaxed. By 5:40pm my doctor came back, and they set up for "active" pushing. I pushed with every contraction, with every ounce of energy I had left. I wanted this baby out, quickly, and naturally. It was painful, but strangely less so than the contractions form earlier that morning. Maybe having a clear focus and goal helped, but really, the pushing and giving birth were the easiest parts of the whole process for me. The last few pushed were difficult, as I felt the contractions were not helping me very much anymore. I managed to get his head out about to his eye/ear level, when the contractions almost stopped all together. I didn't have enough strength to push on my own without them. I felt like I was in a dream, only barely aware of the others in the room. I laid there for a few minutes, willing another pushing contraction to come. I couldn't feel any. I finally decided that I had to just find the strength to push on my on, so I did. At 608pm, after 3 more pushes, he was out. It was the happiest, most relieving and beautiful moment of my life. In an instant he was in my arms, and I was holding my son.
A minute of two passed by, and I kept talking to him and waiting for him to cry - he wasn't. My instincts kicked in and I knew something was wrong. I could hear the panic mounting in my voice, and I guess the nurse heard it too, because she quickly handed Marshall scissors to cut the cord, barked at him to cut it "NOW", and pulled Simon out of my arms to resuscitate him. I heard them put the call in to pediatrics. I was calling out his name, somehow thinking that hearing my voice would help him. I can't really say how long it took, as time was both standing still and flying by at the same time, but I finally heard him let out that classic scream not long after they took him out of my arms. I could feel the tension in the room disappear, and by the time the resident from pediatrics arrived, all was well and they sent him away. We were able to have the usual bonding time in the case room before they transfered us to the post partum ward, and except for some sleepiness and trouble latching, which we were told was normal only a few hours after birth, all seemed fine. It wasn't until around midnight that the nurses started to be concerned, and the next round of drama and stress began, but that's a story for another day.
So that is how Mr. Simon arrived to us, making good on Dad's comment that he is a trouble maker. Marshall is forbidden to ever make such a comment again, as clearly our son is listening!
No comments:
Post a Comment